Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
