cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
