we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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