Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
