My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
