oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So many bounce houses so little time
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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