You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
