I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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