It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
