so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
