I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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