Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just threw up on my dentist
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
