Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
