Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
