Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
