nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
