dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
