I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
