Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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