Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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