don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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