i need an iv and a liver transplant
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
