Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
