we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
