I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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