if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
