So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
