Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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