Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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