So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
