Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she told me i tasted like america
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
