i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
