I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i believe in u and ur pee
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
