I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
