My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
