Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
