I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
