She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
