So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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