I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
