apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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