I'm eating all of the evidence.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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