I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
