i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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