they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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