just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
