Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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