You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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