how hairy? two words: wookie tits
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
