just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
