Don't you send me to vm
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
