I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
