tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
