She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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