Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
