Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
