So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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